Make the Most of Holiday Mingling!

‘Tis the joyous season once again so fill up on holiday cheer with tasty treats, gift giving and plenty of parties! You can’t even contain your excitement. Errrr, not so much for the holiday- and social-phobe folks. Maybe for you, holiday anxiety can be a bit overwhelming, so what do you do when you find yourself standing in a room full of strangers at a holiday open house, office party, or social gathering?

A) Stock up on food and find someplace comfortable to hide.

B) Hang out by the bar and wait for someone to approach you.

C) Escape as you see an opportunity.

Answer: None of the above. Learn to be a skilled small talker!

When meeting new people – or even socializing with old acquaintances – starting conversations can make many people feel nervous or apprehensive. It can be difficult to enter a room and view strangers everywhere you turn. Meeting all these people and engaging in conversation with them can be exhausting and overwhelming. But it does not have to be this way. Skilled small talkers turn holiday gatherings into opportunities for success. In fact, they realize that these holiday functions are great for networking and (gasp!) meeting potentially interesting people.

Whether you are at a business meet-and-greet or a client’s open house, you can use conversational skills as a tool to build new connections, while avoiding awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations. After all, any relationship – business or social – starts with small talk.

Mastering the art of small talk is not only essential in forming new relationships, but also in creating lasting positive impressions. Great small talkers are made, not born.

The next time you find yourself at a holiday function, try one of these Top 10 icebreakers:

1. “How do you know the host/hostess?”

2. “Describe some of your family holiday traditions?”

3. “Bring me up to date about your family/work.”

4. “Tell me about your plans for this holiday season.”

5. “What do you enjoy most about the holiday season? Why?”

6. “What you have got coming up or planned during the upcoming year?”

7. “Describe your typical holiday festivities.”

8. “What special gifts do you plan to give this year?”

9. “What was the best gift you ever received? Why?”

10. “How does the holiday season affect your work/industry/family?”

Once you have broken the ice, follow these important tips to ensure your small talk success:

Don’t crash the conversations. Take your time, and be sure to remember names and use them frequently during conversations. This is not a rush to the finish line; it’s a graceful dance.

Show interest and be interesting. By showing an interest, you are creating a favorable impression of yourself. People, even shy ones, like to talk about themselves, so let them. Even if you’re not into the party, be your charming, energetic self to keep the conversation positive.

Always be prepared (yes, like a Boy Scout). Before entering an event, take a couple minutes and think of at least three conversation topics. Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow attendees: their hobbies, careers, or interests. If you happen to encounter an uncomfortable silence, these conversation points will always come in handy.

Connect with eye contact…and hold it. Eye contact is an easy way to make others feel comfortable, important, and special. It’ll show you care and are engaged.

Try to confide in your confidence….and show it. Nervous body language (twisting your hair, slouching shoulders, constant hand rubbing) can make others uncomfortable and anxious. Try to be aware of your body language when interacting with others.

Listen…and then talk. By listening intently to what others are saying, you are not only making them feel important, but you can gather the cues you need to keep the conversation going and bridge to new topics.

Don’t steal the show, but be a showstopper. Make witty jokes, tell riveting stories and be personable, but also give everyone the opportunity to speak. If someone is monopolizing a conversation, wait for a pause or until that person takes a breath, and then make a comment that can steer the conversation in a new direction. Or include someone who has not been heard from by asking, “What has been going on in your department?” or “What are your views on this issue?”

Be appropriate and non-confrontational. In certain settings, some topics may not be suitable. Be careful when asking about spouses and romantic relationships, because you may end up regretting it. Instead ask: “What’s been going on with the family?” In most situations it’s best to avoid religious, political and economic topics, as it can quickly dampen a hot party. And be certain of someone’s employment status before you start questioning him/her about work. Instead, ask questions that prevent “foot in mouth” disease like: “Bring me up do date on your work” or “What’s been going on with work?”

Don’t interrogate a conversational counterpart. Questions like: “Where are you from?” “Are you married?” “What do you do for a living?” can stop a conversation before it ever really starts.

Respect the guests. Not everyone agrees on every topic, and friendly disagreements can be a gateway to interesting banter. Offer your opinion of your favorite football team, the state of public education today, or the future of the space program. Be sure to follow up with “What do you think?” or “Tell me your opinion.”

Make a graceful exit. You will probably want to mingle with several people around the room. Ask for a referral to remove yourself from conversation: “Who do you know at this event that comes from a financial background?” If this produces a referral then you are on your way. If not, you are still on your way with: “I need to locate fellow financial gurus in order to help me understand the information presented at the general session today. It was very nice meeting you.” Fearful of hurting someone’s feelings? Ask them to join you: “I need to get some coffee, would you like to join me?” They can decline or join you, but at least you are moving around the room.

This holiday season turn every conversation into an opportunity for success!

Conversation Killers to Avoid:

1. Are you married? or Do you have any kids? Where are you going with either one of these if the response is "no"?

2. How's your job at United Airlines, General Motors or (fill in the blank)? Unless you know the person well, assume nothing! Don't put them on the spot with these types of questions. Instead ask: What's been going on with work?

3. How's your wife? (She left, took all the money, the kids and got the house!)

4. You voted for him… Stay away from political statements of opinion.

5. At all costs avoid: Is that real? Are those real?

_________________________________________________________________________________

Debra Fine is a Denver-based keynote speaker, trainer, and best-selling author of The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Building Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression (Hachette). Contact us for more information on having Debra as your keynote speaker.